I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
