make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
