im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
