I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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