So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
