in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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