Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
