Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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