lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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