It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
