I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
