how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
