It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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