I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
