i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
