remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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