peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
