I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
