Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
