If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
