they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone shit on the floor
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
