somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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