I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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