Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
