When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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