If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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