When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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