did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
