Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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