I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
