He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
