everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
