I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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