there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im holly from the hills drunk
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
