Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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