im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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