Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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