My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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