my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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