You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
