she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
