Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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