in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
