Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
