you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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