It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
