just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
