she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
