It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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