i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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