I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
